Eyes Off the Water

So, I came to a deep realization yesterday... one I've known for a while, but never quite admitted. I have my eyes on the water, and I'm sinking fast.

I am writer--love it and unless God takes it away, I plan to do it forever. And like most writers, the stuff on paper is a piece of my "soul." But what happens when someone hates or criticizes my work? What then? Well, if my motivation is right and my eyes are on God (and off myself)... big deal, isn't about me anyway.

The problem (MY problem)... I'm pretty wrapped up in my stuff. My self-esteem is connected to my being successful and the way people think about me. When people say negative things about my writing, I'm secretly not okay. My gut hurts and this overwhelming sense of giving up consumes me. (Now, this isn't the case in a critique group. For some reason, I expect criticism, so I'm okay. It is my friends and families' little remarks that stab to my core.)

I know the reason... that part is simple. I do things, not to please God, but to make man pleased with me. What a stupid thing to do. But like so many people, my self-worth is based on what others think. The reality is... God gave me this gift. And as long as I am writing for Him, the rest doesn't matter. Then success is measured differently. It isn't about me. It isn't about their opinion. It is about God molding me, changing me, making me a better writer, and then using it for HIS glory.

In the words of Audio Adrenaline, "If I keep my eyes on Jesus, I can walk on water."